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It's all their fault!

Over our life to date we have created our identity. The successes, the struggles and the pain have contributed to who you are.  Our identity is made up of two elements; the way we want other people to see us and the way that we perceive ourselves. Much of this is shaped when we are young and mostly subconsciously. Do we really know ourselves?

Many of our problems come from not knowing ourselves at all. We spend years in education learning about subjects, but rarely is that topic yourself.  We are also very good a lying to ourselves (how cruel is that!?). Be honest now, no one else is listening to your thoughts, how many times have you put the blame / fault on someone else when really it should have been you?  All of this can lead to repeating behaviour patterns. E.g. ‘Why do I always end up with a loser?’, ‘Why do I keep arguing with John?’, ‘No matter how many time this happens, they just don’t get it!’…. etc. you get the picture.

Sometimes we need to examine something in a different way. Sort of like changing the frame on a picture or moving away to get a different perspective, or doing the task at a different time of day or to different music.  It is also true that no matter how much we might not like it, you cannot change someone else. Really you can't. So joining these two things together, knowing yourself and not being able to change others, then if it's the other person's fault, you leave yourself powerless to fix it. Take your power by taking responsibility. This will enable you to accept your flaws and (if you want to) change them.

Face the problem head on, take power and take control,

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