How to Love Where You Are
Around here, spring (although late this year) is moving apace and the first hints of warm days are starting to appear. The daffodils have bloomed, the cherry & apple blossom is falling, the lilacs are in flower, and the egg incubation has begun in earnest. The air no longer freezes my fingers and nose (most of the time!) and the sun has started to make an appearance rather than hiding behind grey clouds.
Every time I go outside, I find myself saying, “I can’t wait for the warmth of the really sunny days”
“I can’t wait for my garden to really burst into life.”
“I can’t wait to go on holiday.”
I can’t wait…. I can’t wait…. I can’t wait….
Have you noticed the pattern here? It’s not always about the lack of flower blooms and Vitamin D production, but many aspects of life.
How many times have we told ourselves, “I can’t wait for X in the future”.
This constant anticipation mentality can become a problem, and while there is nothing wrong in looking forward with anticipation, it can become an issue if that is all we focus on.
By keeping our focus on the better times we will have next week, or next month, or even next year we detract from the fact that we also need to acknowledge where we are just now. Even if right now isn’t perfect or just the way we’d like it, or downright horrible.
If you are always waiting for things to happen, you take away the act of being grateful for where you are and who you are. Not acknowledging your current situation may cause you to be mean to yourself, taking away the appreciation of who you’ve become, where you are right now and the kindness you deserve.
So, what can be done to change that?
It’s as simple as just stopping looking forward (or back for that matter) for a moment or two on a regular basis and sit and acknowledge (even celebrate!) where we are right now and the steps we’ve taken to get there. Even if it’s imperfect, or a bit untidy – appreciate the steps that have taken place to get to where you are today. Once we observe the forward progress we have made, and acknowledge the fact that we have made progress, then the stress reduces and becomes more manageable.
Take the time to give yourself the credit for the progress you have made, even if you haven’t gotten quite as far as you would have hoped. Accepting where you are does not prevent you from moving forward, but instead sets the stage for future progress. This recognition of your progress encourages you.
So, what are the steps you need to take to begin to love the where you are right now (even if it’s not perfect!)?
How to love where you are right now!
Most of us find it really easy to come up with all of the things that are missing, not right or we could have done better. While this type of thinking is needed, it should be balanced with our achievements, progress and our external world (the wider impact of us on people, places and things). This is a process that can help with that balance.
1. List out the things that are stressing you or you dislike about your situation right now.
Not sure where to start, take a look at these examples:
- I hate my job!
- I’m a single mum, how do I cope with work, a house and 3 kids?
- I’m behind on my mortgage and I fear I may lose my house!
2. List how you can accept and love where you are
The trick here is to simply be mindful, honest and accepting. This is especially important if it feels like there is nothing great right now and it’s been this way for a while, but look to spot the little bits of good in the things you dislike.
- Whilst the pressures of the job are high at times, I do have some good colleagues and we do support each other. Also, the experience I am gaining here is exactly what I need for my next role.
- My kids are awesome and I love them so much. Yes the working days are a rushed chaotic muddle, trying to fit everything in but spending those 10 mins once the kids are in bed to list out the important tasks for the next couple of days is really helping ensure things are not forgotten and that we are able to spend some of the weekends enjoying family time together. And now I’m on my own the arguments are no longer there. I can do it my way.
- Whilst I am behind in my payments, I am still earning, I have a roof over my head. I also have an appointment with the bank manager so there is an opportunity to work out a solution which puts me back in control.
Just tweaking the way we looking at things, starting the see the positive aspects, and being grateful for those small wins is a key part in being happier and enabling the stress to disappear. The things we hated, lose their impact and we start to view life with curiosity and maybe the odd smile. When this is the case, it helps us in many circumstances to see through them, spot the good and be more ready to take them on without feeling overwhelmed.